The last words of my father
Abdurehim Gheni Uyghur
Bilton, a translator from Uyghur to English
Pure anxiety buried in Vagabonds’ misery
Sullen affection known by lovers of century
The fine sentiments of grey and joyless life
Best Known by the one fled own country
-from Wondered Spirit
Today is 23rd, May, the day I can never forget, the day I heard the voice of my father for the last time, the day I lost 19 of my family members forever. Four years ago today, the 23rd of May, 2017, I spoke with my father on the phone for the last time. His words echo in my ears.
-‘How are you doing father? I know you feel in sorrow over the decease of my mother. Is my step mother taking good care of you? As your beloved son, I am not able to put my consoling arms arm around you when you feel sadness, not able to take care of you when you are hospitalized, not able to fulfill my filial duties. I strongly feel guilty about it. I am sorry, father!’ then I burst into tear.
-‘Don’t feel sorry my son, ‘my father said. ‘No one knew in advance that you would flee and live in an other country. Think positive , maybe it has benefits we have never expected. I realize that you got through many difficulties after going to an other country, understand the world and yourself better. Until now, you may find the answer for why you decided fleeing instead of staying with your relatives, childhood friends and resigning your job. Wherever you live, don’t forget your home country, the place where you raised. Take good care of your family, raise your children righteous. In your life, your wife and your children are the ones always comfort you, please you. Treating them well is same as treating me well.’
I remember that my father always respected and showed obedience to my grandfather. He always abided by the Uyghur old saying “treating parents well is God’s will”.
As being raised in that environment, I also obey by father’s advisements and try remembering that all the time, never willing to dissatisfy him. During the last phone call, he also said, ‘you are living in a country of completely different belief, cultures. You should obey the laws of that country, be a good citizen, and try hard to find jobs and live independently without government welfares, so that you are valued by the society. Holland is your second home country and your children are native to Netherlands. Your children would follow your path of living. Try to be role model to your children and educate them well.’
As if he knew that was our last conversation, he advised me much and I had never thought that it was our last conversation. Four years passed as a day. I always miss his voice, his kindness, righteousness. His appearance is always in my mind. Sometimes, I saw him in my dreams and talked to him. My beloved father! I miss you so much. I realized how much you sacrificed for raising us for being a father myself and raising my own children. Sometimes you said “everyone loves their children more than anything”. I remember this every time when I play with my children and miss you. You fulfilled your duty as father, mine is just started.
There is an old saying in Uyghur nation that a son is his father’s secret. Whenever I remember my character properties are passed down from you, I thank God giving me such a wonderful father. Your smiling face is my motive power. I always try passing down these good traits to my children. Your modesty and prudency reminds me being patient, your righteousness teach me how to distinguish friends from enemies. You are my pride, my lighthouse and the source of my love. May God bless you and protect you if you are alive. May God bless you and offer Jannah if you are dead.
2.20 AM, 21st May, 2021